Do it the Fan girl way!
by 1 DeathGoddess
Summary: What happens when the fan girls get into the Deathnote world? Most likely pure chaos. No, really. Run in fear of the fan girls, especially you L. Just a bunch of random fan girl drabbles.
1. Meet the fan girls!

_**Do it the fan girl way!**_

If fan girls could go into Death note, how would they change the story? Let's find out.

By the way...

Fan girl C- Raito fan girl

Fan girl J- L fan girl

Fan girl D- Mello fan girl

These are based on my friends and I. We each have a favorite character.

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

**Death shall never come**

"Shit." Raito concluded and closed his eyes to die.

"Well, we finally got Kira." Near told the team. Suddenly, a loud bang and a mumble of voices came from the door. A bunch of fan girls, dressed in scrubs, came in, carrying a stretcher.

"Quickly! Get the defibrillator." Fan girl C yelled to the others. One of them brought in a defibrillator to fan girl C. She rubbed the paddles together and rushed to Raito. "Clear!" She yelled and shocked Raito's heart.

"Huh?" Raito opened his eyes, alive once again. The other fan girls rushed with the stretcher and placed Raito on it. They carried him out to an awaiting ambulance.

"Why the hell did you just save Kira?" Near asked fan girl C, in horror. Fan girl C pulled out a gun and shot the members of the investigation team and SPK. Near lay bleeding on the floor. Fan girl smiled and leaned over him.

"You are a fool. Don't you know Kira is justice?" She whispered and shot the small, white haired boy in the head. "Raito! I'm coming to save you!" Yelled fan girl C and she ran out the door.

Fan girls are crazy, people. That's why it's super random. Fan girl C is one of the crazy, just like Raito.

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

**The Reasons Why**

"Damn you, Near!" Mello yelled, as yet again, he had bested him in his logic skills. Mello was always in second to Near in everything. Why? It was never fair. Again, the sound of a door opening and the clicking of heels, Fan girl D ran into the room. She was in her own Mello type get up. Wearing a tight, black outfit, a cross and short length hair, she ran into the room.

"Don't say such things, Mello!" She yelled and stood proudly. "There are plenty of things you best Near at."

"What?" Mello asked, very confused at the sudden sight of a fan girl. "Like what?"

"Well.." Fan girl D paused then listed. "You are way better dressed, the scar makes you look sexy, you're way more interesting then Near, and who the hell doesn't love chocolate?"

"Hmmm, you're right. Near is lame compared to me!" Mello said proudly.

"Did I mention that ruling the mafia is frickin' awesome?" Fan girl D continued to muse. Mello smiled to himself. Fan girl paused for a moment.

"OMG! I love you Mello!" She yelled and hugged Mello fiercely. Mello froze in fear of his crazy fan girl.

"Matt…Help me." Mello begged, as he was strangled with hugs. Matt was in the corner, playing a game boy.

"Sure, sure." Matt waved at Mello and continued to play.

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

**The Chase**

L ran down the street from his mob of fan girls.

"L! We love you! We want to rape you!" They yelled. He ran faster. If only he didn't spend do much time in his room and exercised more, he could outrun them.

"Ahhh!" L screamed. Not even the sight of multiple candy shops slowed him down as he ran for his life, his sanity, and maybe his virginity too.

"L, we know who Kira is!" Fan girl J yelled to him. This made L stop for a second.

"Really?" He asked, hopeful. The fan girls tackled him to the ground, as he paused.

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

This is way fan girls shouldn't go into the story. Nothing but chaos and randomness.


	2. Special Deliveries

**Do it the fan girl way part 2**

More fan girl craziness in the world of Death note.

Now introducing…

Fan girl E - Near fan girl

**Special Delivery!**

Fan girl D came into the mafia hideout once again. But this time she was pushing a very large gift along the ground. She finally pushed it right in front of Mello.

"Happy Birthday!" She yelled in happiness.

"Oh, yeah, that's right." Mello remembered. "So you know my birthday?"

"I am a fan girl, I know a lot." Fan girl D pointed out. "Now open it."

"Ok." Mello said and fearfully unwrapped the box. "OMG!" He cried in fear. "What did you do?!" He looked in the box and saw Near, knocked up on sleeping drugs.

"You know, for a short, little kid, he's really heavy." Fan girl D shared with the group. Mello poked Near, only making him twitch.

"OMG, OMG." Mello kept repeating. "Why do I have the crazy one?" Suddenly, another Fan girl entered the hideout.

"Ok, What did you do with Near?!" Fan girl E yelled at Fan girl D and chased her around, and eventually outside. Meanwhile, Near woke up.

"Ummm. Where am I?" He asked.

"OMG! Near! Where are you?" Fan girl E yelled from outside, hearing his voice. (Her hearing is tuned for Near's quiet voice)

"Oh God. It's her." Near whispered in fear and climbed into his box and closed the lid.

**Special Delivery (part 2)**

Fan girl C knocked on the door.

"Special delivery!" She yelled as L opened the door.

"What is it?" L asked, staring at the girl and noticed her outfit. "Oh, are you selling Girl Scout cookies?"

"Yep." Fan girl C smiled and held out a box of Samoas.

"Oh yay! I'll buy 10." L said. "Raito! Pay the nice Girl Scout." L went inside with his cookies and Raito came out with his wallet.

"Ok. How much?" He huffed and started counting bills.

"Oh no. On the house. I just needed to get rid of the extra. Oh! And you might not want any, Raito."

"Why?" Raito asked.

"Well, they just might be bad for you. But your friend seems to like sugar."

"Yeah, he does." Raito agreed.

"Give some to Misa too. She's too skinny." Fan girl C smiled and walked away.

Now, why would a Raito fan girl give L cookies? Well, that could all be explained with the empty bottle of rat poison that Fan girl C threw away as she walked away from her important sale.

**Death shall never come (Part 2)**

Rem finished writing down Watari's name. Her eyes glowed red with hate, but she felt herself already beginning to crumble away.

"Ok, L Lawl-" She began.

"NO!" A mob of fan girls ran into the secluded room. Fan girl J dived and yanked away the death note from Rem.

"Wait!…" Rem protested, but then crumbled away, after writing Watari's name.

"Hooray! We saved L!" The mob cries in victory. They rushed out to revel what happened to their idol.

"Watari, what's wrong?' L asked the screen. Now he was afraid he would die too.

"Everyone, the shinig-" He began. Then the mob, lead by fan girl J, rushed in.

"It's ok. We got it all taken care of." Fan girl J proclaimed and held up the Death note.

"What happened?" L asked, trying to find out what happened to Watari.

"It was him!" Fan girl J pointed at Raito.

"Yeah!" The mob cheered in support.

"Um, no it wasn't…." Raito said. "It was Rem! She acted on her own." Raito pointed out in defense.

"Damnit!" The mob cried in defeat. "We will prove it Raito! We will." They all ran out, in search of evidence.

"Raito, what are they're saying?" L asked.

"Ummm….."

Yes, yes. They are crazy. Fan girl C is just out to murder everyone. L's fan girls act as a mob, because there are so many. Fan girl D is also a bit crazy. Fan girl E, I had no ideas for Near until a while ago. Hoped you liked it.


	3. Pure Happiness

Do it the fan girl way (part 3)

The insaneness continues. You know you love it.

**

* * *

**

**The New Member (The first of his kind)**

This was based off a realization that my friend and I had.

A group of fan girls sat at a round table, mumbling things that only fan girls would mumble. The sound of a gavel sounded throughout the room.

"Ok, everyone calm down. This meeting of the Destroying All That Oppose Kira Organization has begun!" (Aka the DATOKO) Fan girl C, also the DATOKO president, called out. The room grew silent. "Ok, so, we have destroyed Near and L. All that is left is Mello. Does anyone have any ideas to how to accomplish this?" The room was silent as the members thought of ways. One girl raised a hand.

"Maybe we could poison his chocolate?" She suggested. Another girl spoke.

"Or, we could join the mafia, then shoot him and run away?" She said.

"That sounds like it will take too long." Fan girl C sighed. The rest followed as well. There was a knock at the door.

"Come in." Fan girl C said. Another fan girl popped her head in.

"Excuse me, President, but there is a guy here to see you. He says he wants to join the organization." She reported.

"What? A guy? Send him in." Fan girl C commanded, eager to see who this could be. A man walked in and introduced himself, but for any Death note fan girl, there was none necessary.

"Hello. I'm Teru Mikami and I would like to join the DATOKO." All the fan girls stared.

"Ok, Mikami. How can you contribute to this organization, you know, besides being a Kira fan boy?" Fan Girl C asked.

"Fan boy?" Mikami asked.

"Yeah. You're like a fan girl, but a guy." Fan girl C explained. Mikami reached into his coat pocket.

"Ummm, well, because I have this." He held up the Death note.

"Oh yeah. This is great! Now we can kill Mello." Fan girl C cheered. "Give me that!" Fan girl C snatched the Death note. "Ok, what was Mello's name again? It was some Dutch name." She asked the DATOKO members.

"Ahhh! What was it?!" They cried in despair. "Quick! To the fan site!" Then they all dashed out of the room to the nearest computer.

Yes, people. My friend and I realized that Mikami was the first fan boy. A simple conclusion really.

**

* * *

**

**Raid**

Near sat in the SPK Headquarters, looking sad.

"I've become bored with all my toys." He concluded and collapsed a stack of cards. He checked the time. "Aww, the store won't open until tomorrow." He sighed. Fan girl E overheard his grumblings and hatched a plan.

At the Toys-R-US Headquarters, it seemed like a normal night shift. Everyone was at work on developing new toys to sell. But on this particular shift, a crazy fan girl had a crazy idea.

"Toys! I shall get them all for my beloved Near!" Fan girl E ran through the halls, destroying all that got in her ways. She had a bag, full of puzzles, Legos, action figures and Lincoln Logs that she had found.

"Please, ma'am. You need to leave." A worker asked. Fan girl E just pushed him aside and kept on running down the halls.

"Warning, warning. Intruder alert. Potential treat in section G." An alarm was going off. A small, white-haired boy sat outside on a bench, shaking his head in embarrassment as a mob of cops ran by him.

**

* * *

**

**Dreams**

A large group of fan girls crawled one at a time through the same window at the top of the hotel. It took a while to get them all up there with the one scaffolding that they had. They all climbed into the room and saw their sweet L sleeping in a bed, next to Raito. Eww! Raito. They were handcuffed together. He needed to be dealt with. They all stood next to L and begun to whisper, "Raito is Kira. Raito is Kira. Get the Death note. Get the Death note." They all whispered. Suddenly L mumbled in his dreams.

"Yes, Raito must be Kira. Find Death no…" The fan girls smiled and decided that their mission was complete. They all crawled back out the window and ran down to the 24-hour diner for cake in celebration.

The Next Morning…

"Raito, where is the Death note?" L asked suddenly.

"What?" Raito said in fear, and looking guilty.

"Based on your reaction, and the weird dreams I had last night, I have concluded you are Kira." L stated.

"L, you're on too much sugar." Raito said. Suddenly, a group of fan girls burst in.

"Do not question the almighty L!" They screamed and proceeded to jump and stab Raito over and over again.

**

* * *

**

**Hacking**

Late at night, on her laptop, Fan girl D searched her way all over the computer to a way to hack into the Wammy Orphanage files.

"Yes, I'm in." She cheered as the files popped up on her desktop. There was one that said L votes. She clicked it and read what it said.

_Votes for the next L _

_Matt: 2 _

_Near: 48_

_Mello: 12_

"Not at all good. Mello would make a way better L." Fan girl D said to herself. She quickly switched Mello's votes and Near's votes. She smiled as she did this.

"Now, what else to change…?" She pondered. She saw a file for grades. She opened it in curiosity. It said Near had a 130 and Mello only had a 100.

"What? No, that's not right. Mello is way smarter then Near. Near is stupid." And Fan girl D quickly changed Near's grade to a 40. "Ha! Now you fail!" She laughed to herself insanely and closed the laptop. She then quickly got off the train and went skipping off down the streets of San Francisco and to Ghirardelli Square to go shopping for the true #1 person in the world.

* * *

There, I'm done. Sigh This is the last chapter of the crazy fan girls. I always associated Mello with Ghirardelli Square and Near with Toys-R-Us. Yay! Hoped you all liked it. This seems to me like a good example of crackfic! 


	4. The Reunion

OK, so many were sad that I stopped the fan girl craziness. So, I thought, why not do one last chapter, having all the fan girls together? It's like a big, violent discussion of fan girl activities. _**Now with spoilers to the end!**_ Set up like a talk show script, here you go….

* * *

Do it the fan girl way (The Reunion)

**Cast**

_Host fan girl_

_Fan girl J- L fan girl_

_Fan girl C- Raito fan girl_

_Fan girl D- Mello fan girl_

_Fan girl E- Near fan girl_

Host- **sitting in circle with other fan girls **Hi, and welcome to 'Do it the fan girl way, The Reunion!'

Audience Claps 

Host- Today we have a special treat for you all. We have the cast of 'Do it the fan girl way' with us. We'll be discussing their adventures in the world of Deathnote.

Cheering 

Host- First off, I would like to ask Fan girl E a question.

Fan girl E- What is it?

Host- Well, I would kinda like to know why you have Near on a leash next to you? **Points to Near, who's on a leash**

E- Oh that! Well, he's just so darn cute! He's like a little puppy dog. Now we can always be together, right Near?

Near- **whispers** Help…me..

Fan girl J- I don't think he wants to….

E- Shut up! Leave us alone and go play with your precious Ryuu-kun! **Silence**

Host- Ummm, ok then. Now Fan girl C, many are confused on why Raito fan girls fan girl over him. Many question his sanity and morals, as he tends to make scary faces and use women.

Fan girl C- What? They don't know what they are talking about! Raito is the hottest ever! All the women in the story are whores and stupid anyways. They deserved it. Plus he's the main character. How can anyone not like the main character?! And he IS God. Many would agree with me.

Fan girl D- You mean like Mikami?

C- Yes, that's one example…. **Thinking…**

E- Well, of course he would! He's the first fan boy. He's OCD on Kira. He's not a fan girl.

C- Go to Hell!

E - :p

C- :p

Near- _Bang, bang,_ **Banging head on chair**

Host- Ladies! Calm down. **Voices hush **Let's move on. Shall we? Ok, fan girl J…

J- hmm!? **Perks head up**

Host- You're the leader of a mob of L fan girls. And at one point you potentially raped L after chasing him down the street. Does any of this seem a little extreme to you?

J- No. We love our Ryuu-kun. He's so adorable…

E- Just like Near! **Pats Near on head**

J- Yeah, sure. But he's so cute, with all his sugar and little habits. There's the way he sits and holds phones, his big eyes… the list goes on and on. He deserves all of our love!

C- His habits annoy the shit out of me.

J- **Gasps **How dare you? **Glares at Fan girl C**

C- Yes, he annoys me and everyone at DATOKO.

J- Screw you and your Pro Kira Club. Ryuu-kun is the bestest!

C- Raito forever!

J- L!

C- Raito!

J- L!

Dust cloud of fighting 

Host- And now for our commercial break

* * *

Host- And welcome back to the show. After that little fight, the fan girls have settled down and are calm. Let's move to Fan girl D. 

Fan girl D- Hi, nice to be here.

Host- Yes. So, Fan girl D, Many fans agree that Mello is one of the coolest, interesting characters in all of Deathnote.

D- Yes, of course!

Host- But you also seem to do many extreme things for Mello and glorifying him.

D- But Mello deserves so much more glory! You said it yourself he's one of the coolest, most interesting characters. He should be the next L, not that pipsqueak! **Points to Near**

E- Hey! Your just jealous that Near is better. You're in denial.

D- **Gasp!**

J- Ohhh, you made her mad….

D- Come here! **Tackles Fan girl E**

Host- Uggg not again! Commercial please!

* * *

Host- Yay! We're back. Now, how about we don't fight any more girls. Before we have to lock you up in a cell somewhere. 

J- **Giggles**

D- What?

J- That just made me think of some Yaoi that I saw last night….

C- Oh shit, not this again. **Smacks forehead**

J- Hehe, yes C. Between L and Raito, guess who was Seme?

C- Shut the hell up! **Looks angry **You and your disgusting Yaoi.

D- You just hate it cause L is always on top.

C- What the..!? You! **Points at D** Don't even get me started on Mello and his pedophilia.

D- He's not a pedophile!

E- Are you talking about Mello and Near?!

Near: Wait! What?!?!? **Looks scared**

J- **Laughing**

C- Yeah. And at least Raito lives longest. Now you are all necrophiliacs.

D and J- **Gasp!** What did you say?!

C- You heard me.

E- Ohh, now you're the one in trouble.

**J and D Tackle C to ground. E just sits there and hugs Near some more.**

Host- **Sigh.** Well I guess there is no way of truly having a peaceful discussion about the Deathnote characters. I guess that ends our show…

**A door opens; Raito, L and Mello walk onto the stage.**

L- is this the Deathnote movie stage?

Mello- **Looks around** Oh shit!!! It's them! **Points to fan girls**

Raito- OMG! Run!

J- L! My love!

C- Raito! I'll save you from them!

D- OMG Mello! Yay!

Mello, Raito, L- AHHH! **Run off stage**

**Fan girls C, J and D chase them**

E- Well, that was special.

Near- Can I go now?

E- NO! We're going home.

Near- Ahh! No! Someone help me! **Dragged off stage by E**

Host- Well, looks like all the guests have left. Join us next time.

**Theme music plays, audience claps**

* * *

Ok, now it's the end. I need to go back and finish all my other stories… 


End file.
